NO.DIDDY PLZ.

Amidst all this Diddy stuff, I want to make a few clarifications, lol. This is a bit of a joke, but also the other half is serious because it sort of reflects the growth and path of my life and how I got to where I am today.

Growing up, I wanted to be Sean “Puffy” Combs, lol. (I hate that there are podcast episodes where people or myself refer me as that.).
I saw this guy help produce musicians and acts for the black community, and I thought it was so empowering. We shared similar backgrounds with throwing parties in college.

One of my first parties had a huge riot break out in the line because the venue was for 800 people, and they told me it could fit over 1000+. They couldn’t let people in quickly enough, and people started rioting in the complex of the mall (This is the Hollywood & Highlands Mall Complex, by the way). It ended at midnight, and I was so sad and disappointed. Even though we sold out tickets that night, I hated that the party got broken up. (I also ended up losing money because I refunded people their money and donated to the organizations that were part of it.)

Well, after that party, somebody shared with me that Diddy had a similar situation happen, and it was even worse, and he got sued. It kind of made me feel like I was onto something, and I looked at the brighter side of things, that I had the ability to bring so many people to an event in Los Angeles, a city that had many things to do.

That night was also when I officially started helping with the marketing for Far East Movement (I booked them that night.) So not long after that, I was focused on networking, learning how to throw better parties, working in the studio, and my goal at that time was to become the “Asian Puff Daddy.”

Fast forward through countless hours in the studios, thousands of parties, and finally building a brand (88rising) that was similar to Bad Boys Records, I left the industry.

I’ve told a few people why and mentioned in the passing, but with all of this Diddy thing happening, it really reminded me again why I left the industry of nightclubs & music entertainment.

One thing I pride myself on was that I was always focused on the goal. I didn’t care about the reputation of being a promoter or an artist manager; I just wanted to make money and build a network so that I could keep stacking. I felt that because I wasn’t distracted by the vices and the women that hung around that scene, I had a leg up. And for a minute, I was doing okay, but there are a lot of really bad people in the entertainment scene that are like what Diddy has been accused of (Maybe not to that extent, but its a toxic industry).

I’ve turned down huge roles because of what I know the other person has done. I just couldn’t overlook things that would make me go against my principles.

A big turning point was seeing behind the curtain of a mentor that managed one of the biggest musicians in the world at the time.  I was invited into his home where I met his wife and she would cook us dinner, we’d drink and I thought “this is what I want”.  Then one night after dinner, we’d end up at some private club where I see him talking to a bottle waitress and taking her to a hotel after. That kind of shattered that image of him for me.

To me, I thought he was a good guy, and I’m never one to judge anyone for their actions; I’m not God. it's their life. I can only say something to them, but I can’t tell them how to live their life. What I can control is that I didn’t want to be around a scene like that.

I took it as a sign that it was time to “graduate.”

For a minute, I actually thought that I was done with music and was ready to work at a bank or become a realtor.

Wheter or not it’s God, or some higher power rewarding me for trusting my gut, I realized the big picture for myself, was that storytelling is what I love. I used music and the artist I managed as those vehicles to tell stories. Don’t get me wrong; I love music, but I also love film, books, and I love people and the characters in the books.

The goal was clear in my mind after that.  Now it was to figure out how I could gain the right tools, network, and resources to do what I wanted to do on a large scale, and how I could do it in a positive light for the world without the cringe.

So now I’m currently in the crossroads of figuring out what the next step is,

I’ve had to do a lot of reflecting on my personal habits and the person I want to be, which is making sure I shift a lot of my habits and priorities to align with my goals.

And a big one that I’ve finally accepted is my dating life choices.

I’ve shared this with a few close friends, but I’ve accepted that there is a chance that I won’t get married and have kids.

This is actually the first time writing this out, and it has me kind of shook, lol, but it’s real.

To all that don’t know or understand, I’m one of those guys that wanted to get married and have kids at 26. It was one of those things that always made me different when comparing myself to my peers. (Not everybody, but its rare.)

To a lot of people, they think that because I was around that scene of promiscuity and vices that it’s influenced me to give up on looking for marriage and why I’m always single, but it's far from that.

That was a part I never really looked up to Puffy about. (I promise this is true, lol. I actually think the reason why I excelled so much, is that those vices never really strayed me from the focus of my goals. - When I tell people how much money I made throwing parties, a lot of people are shocked.)

I’ve always, always had a high standard for the women in my life. I’m a proud mama’s boy.   My Bff Jenn, Mishi are a few of the women in my life that have influenced me into being the man I am today and not being a douchebag. (I always says this lol.) 
There are honestly a lot of women that I just can’t be around no matter how beautiful they are, if their soul is ugly, it hurts me to have to talk to them. (I definitely have more then 5 phone numbers in my contacts that say “DO NOT PICKUP”) 

So with all that said, I know very well what I want in a partner. I also know that I don’t want to ever settle, and I know that if I do find that person, she has to be very understanding of who I am and what I want to do in life, and be okay with that.

In a recent podcast with LeBron James and JJ Reddick, LeBron said something, that aligns with the narrative of where my mindset is at.

He said that striving for greatness means sacrificing. It means that if you want to be great, you’re being selfish. You’re asking to be away from your partner and your kids to work on being great. I didn’t really understand that till last year when I made this realization.

To my close friends, I’ve always complained about wanting to be in a relationship. I’m the 9th wheel in my group of friends. I always thought that I was going to be a Ross or a Marshall Erikson, but realizing that I’m more Barney Stinson has me messed up sometimes. 

But when I really reflect, I’m not that guy either.  Honestly, I’ve never really put any effort into going out and dating. I never went to clubs or bars unless it was my own parties. And sure, I’ve been on these dating apps, but I’ve probably only met up with 1 person on those. And I find it just a waste of time.

I remember when I was younger, the guys who used to always get girls in college would say that it’s a numbers game. You just gotta hit on as many girls (similar to swiping right on all girls on dating apps), and you’ll find someone.

I have NEVER cared that much to want to do that.  Before I knew what ROI was, I knew that it just wasn’t worth my time. I’d much rather do something that was productive like work on building my career. And with that thinking, it just never really put me in a position to win in the dating department.

With that realization, i’ve come to terms that I can’t complain about scoring (in terms of finding a wife) if I’m not shooting.

And I think I’m finally okay with that.
(This is strictly more of a mindset change right now. It’s accepting that I don’t and shouldn’t force myself to do things that I don’t want to do. I’m not against marriage at all.  If someone does come along and is willing to go on this ride and I think they’re a good fit, I’m a ride or die. For my close friends that have seen me in my relationships, they know I am SUPERBOYFRIEND.)

I’ve always said this, but a good partner in life helps you get through your tough and bad days. I don’t want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want to build a loving team that sees eye to eye because then it's not a waste of time. Investing in someone who’s investing in you is part of the team building. I’ve always had this mindset.  I work hard so that I can build something for my future family.  

There was a relationship I was in, where she was really jealous and didn’t understand that I was happy with her and wouldn’t stray. I couldn’t fully explain my thought process at the time, besides saying that “I really didn’t care about any other woman because for me, I already won in that department.” My explanation wasn’t good enough for her to understand.

To me, it was that I found someone that I wanted to invest in as my partner, and now there are other parts that we need to build for our future.
(Why would I hire another COO if there is already someone in that role? I need to do other things, like get funding; I need to make sure we have an office, etc., etc.)

I think I’ve always thought this way, but being a fan of rom coms and just the idea of relationships have always made me try to force a square peg into a circle. I still want romance and all that; I’m a cheeseball that not many people get to see; and I love that side of me.

But this new mindset that I’ve accepted, it's been helpful in not being hard on myself for not wanting to chase something that doesn’t fit or having regrets of any kind. It’s saved me a lot of heartbreak too because I understand a lot more in terms of just life itself.

I’m not sure how I got here, but I want to state the fact that I don’t want to be the Asian Puff Daddy. LOL.

I want to be someone who builds things that help the world. Someone who only wants a partner that has a journey that will run parallel with my own life. I want to be someone that my family is proud of, and at the end of the day, just a GOOD PERSON.

“GOOD BOYS 4 LIFE”